再来两个英文幽默

蓝色薄荷

A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written examination. Since he was the Chief's nephew, the examiner decided to go easy on him with the oral test.
.Who shot Abraham Lincoln?., asked the examiner.
The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have sometime to come up with the answer. The examiner told him to come back the next morning.
When the would-be recruit went home, his wife asked, .Well, how did it go? Did you get the job?..
.I think so,. he replied. .They have already got me working on a case..

蓝色薄荷

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
- Margaret Thatcher

蓝色薄荷

.Hey,. the tourist said to the mountaineer, .Your son just threw a rock at
me as I passed by..
.Did it hit you?.
.No..
.Then it wasn't my son..

蓝色薄荷

The employee stormed angrily into the cashier's office. .What's the  meaning of this? I just counted my pay and it's a dollar short!.
The cashier examined the envelope, then checked his records. .Last week we paid you a dollar more. You didn't complain then, did you?.
.Look. said the employee. .An occasional mistake I can overlook - but two in a row is too much!.

蓝色薄荷

The famous film actor was being analyzed.
.Tell me,. asked the psychoanalyst, .Do you ever cheat on your wife?.
.Who else?.

蓝色薄荷

You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.
-Louis Morris

蓝色薄荷

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man..
- George Bernard Shaw

蓝色薄荷

Teacher: .Who were the first human beings?.Pupil: .Adam and Eve..Teacher: .And what nationality were they?.Pupil: Indian, of course..Teacher: .And how ho you know they were Indian?.Pupil: .Easy. They had no roof over their heads, no clothes to wear and only one apple between them - and they called it Paradise..

蓝色薄荷

Father: .Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor?. Suitor: .Of course.. Father: .You're no good. We don't want fools in our family..

蓝色薄荷

He: .I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains.. She: .Because no matter how stupid a man is, he is seldom blind..

蓝色薄荷

Pretty young girl: .If I go up to your room do you promise to be good?. Young man: .Why . I promise to be FANTASTIC!.

蓝色薄荷

Office worker: Sir?.
Boss: .Yes? What is it now?.
Office worker: .Please can I have a day off next week to do some late Christmas shopping with my wife and our six kids?.
Boss: .Certainly not!.
Office worker: .I knew you.d be understanding, sir. Thanks for getting me out of that terrible chore..

蓝色薄荷

Mother: .Why are you crying?.
Sally: .Because I fell and hurt myself..
Mother: .When did that happen?.
Sally: .About twenty minutes ago..
Mother: .But you've only just started crying..
Sally: .I know. Earlier, I thought you'd gone out..

蓝色薄荷

Pretty young nurse: .Doctor, every time I take this young man.s pulse it gets faster. Should I give him a sedative?.
Doctor: .No. Just give him a blindfold..

蓝色薄荷

Patient: .Doctor, do you think that I will live until I.m a hundred?.Doctor: .Do you smoke or drink?.Patient: .No..Doctor: .Do you drive fast cars, gamble, or play around with women?.Patient: .Certainly not!.Doctor: .Then what do you want to live to a hundred for?.

halley

啊！我真的把这十几楼都看完了。对自己崇拜ing...

蓝色薄荷

啊！我真的把这十几楼都看完了。对自己崇拜ing...
halley 发表于 2010-4-3 02:56

                               
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探讨一下啊，
朋友们对下面这个是咋理解的？隐含之意是指在政治方面，男人常常嘴皮子功夫，女人实干。是这样吗？
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
- Margaret Thatcher

andywho

I promise to be FANTASTIC!.

那时枫叶

探讨一下啊，
朋友们对下面这个是咋理解的？隐含之意是指在政治方面，男人常常嘴皮子功夫，女人实干。是这样吗？
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a  ...
蓝色薄荷 发表于 2010-4-3 07:27

                               
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撒切尔夫人是想感叹说，女人才是可靠的实干家吧。。。男人是言语的巨人，行动的矮子。。。有句话，叫lip service。。。

蓝色薄荷

撒切尔夫人是想感叹说，女人才是可靠的实干家吧。。。男人是言语的巨人，行动的矮子。。。有句话，叫lip service。。。
非娜 发表于 2010-4-6 23:12

                               
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哦，原来是女人表扬女人啊，那会有一千个理由不是吗？再说，也不用非得批评一个来衬托表扬的那个。    虽对美国的政治不太了解，但感觉奥巴马推进医疗制度改革蛮出力实干的；之前那谁推进伊拉克战争也不是就说说玩，也是真刀真枪的；中国前些年的下岗再就业也是某男性领导主推的吧？还有啥？没有了吗？