The correction about my writing from my teacher

janezhu

I often hear some people consider how to improve their writing. To be honest, I have the same consideration. In last month, I have finished a couple of writing which are required in academic writing for Tofel. I found  my teachers have excelent job to help me.After reading their comments and marks, I do think I have learned a lot from their corrections on my mistakes.

Now I would like to attach these writing to help you if you want to know how to correct these mistakes which maybe you have.

Let's go ahead.

janezhu

Who will tell me How to attach my files from the computer ? Now I am sitting before my school's computer. When I click the little draw where is on above, it only appears a lot of squares and it does not work for me.

Maybe I will do this after coming back my home?

Ruibin

School computers don't recognize well other language characters than English, you'd better do this at home.

janezhu

This is my first draft " More Try More Gain" becasue my dear teacher gave me a topic" Do you prefer to take a new thing rather than do the same things you do well? Wa.....I made a lot of mistakes in my writing, but I would like to do as my teacher told me" No risk No Gain"

janezhu

This is my last draft about "More Try More Gain". Comparing with the fist one, it sounds better.

janezhu

This topic is about "Do you think children should  help their parents with household tasks or not? Give your reasons to support your opinion"
My fist draft is about "A Very Good Practical Way for Children "

janezhu

Ok,  this one is my last draft about  "A Very Good Practical Way for Children ".

janezhu

The third topic is about "Do you like to working with people or working with machine? why?"
My first draft is "Working with People"

janezhu

My last draft is about "Working with People"

janezhu

Sometimes I  think this kind  academic writing for Tofel likes "八股文", I feel boring. Hoewever,  my teacher always encourages me try to exercise them by Noth America style.

Ok, I hope you will do better than me.

morriconean

Just read the first essay. Is it too long for a TOEFL task? I think you don't have much time to write in such a length. Usually 300 words are enough.

月明

thanks for sharing.

janezhu

Just read the first essay. Is it too long for a TOEFL task? I think you don't have much time to write in such a length. Usually 300 words are enough.
morriconean 发表于 2009-10-30 09:28

                               
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Yes, my teacher has told me it only need to write 250-300 words , and then it will be fine. However, she also encourage me don't to be afraid to write more words to let my idea become more clearer in the begining. This is why I gave three body paragraphs to support my opinion.in the fist essay. In my second essay, I only offer two body paragraphs to support. In my future, I will try to let my essay become more "lean and mean".

Anyway, thanks for your suggestion

zhangyl

Yes, my teacher has told me it only need to write 250-300 words , and then it will be fine. However, she also encourage me don't to be afraid to write more words to let my idea become more clearer i ...
janezhu 发表于 2009-10-30 10:38

                               
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Just for genereal training, writing more stuff is fine.  

If you wrote more stuff in one essay before test, you will lose the chance of training youself for the test.

Keep 5 paragraphs in one essay and 5-8 sentenses in one paragraph.

Good luck!

jiayi

Thank you for sharing.  Good luck.

janezhu

Just for genereal training, writing more stuff is fine.  

If you wrote more stuff in one essay before test, you will lose the chance of training youself for the test.

Keep 5 paragraphs in one essa ...
zhangyl 发表于 2009-10-30 19:56

                               
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Thanks Zhangxi a lot!

Almost ten years ago, when I visited Tianjing University , I took some pictures beside the river where had a lot of beautiful  lotuses in the water . Acrossed one wall, it is Lankai University. Two universities are  famouse for their  sciences and art. I also remember one road named Bingjiang Road, it is correct? Even now I still remember that beautiful "Wu Da Dao".

I like some street culture in Tianjing. For instance, when I walked on the street , I heard somebody was singing for his business "Mo Jian Zi Lei , Qiang Cai Dao......." hehehe, it was really amazing and close the real life.

janezhu

Thank you for sharing.  Good luck.
jiayi 发表于 2009-10-30 22:20

                               
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Hehehe, now I can not sure it is really necessary for me to take a Toefl for applying other university. Maybe I would like to directly take a programe for having a certificate about AIC( Appraisal Institute of Canada) becasue I worked this job in Beijing for four years and I know well it's idea. Especially, this thought became stronger  after I read the  link as follow today.
http://component.aicanada.ca/e/careers_careers_opps_opp.cfm

jiayi

17# janezhu

I chose to get a certificate instead of studying from the beginning because I am not young.
To you, you have many chances, every road leads to rome, I think you'll find your way soon. Good luck.

zhangyl

Thanks Zhangxi a lot!

Almost ten years ago, when I visited Tianjing University , I took some pictures beside the river where had a lot of beautiful  lotuses in the water . Acrossed one wall, it i ...
janezhu 发表于 2009-10-31 02:52

                               
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Binjing Road is is famous for the commercial functions.

Tianjin is changing everyday. 10 yrs ago, it really likes a huge village. But right no, it may be close to a town.