【求助】我英语水平比较差，请大家帮忙看一下

taodw

想发邮件催一下，大家帮忙看一下有没有病句，谢谢了先！

I am writing to ask you when my case will be finalized.

I took the Medical Examination on January and I submitted all documents you required On February. I was so excited when I saw my status code changed from 12 to 8 and then 8 to 12 quickly, but it seems have been halting on 12 for a little longer (maybe I am overanxious). So that cause me wonder if those documents especially the landing fee have already been received by your office. Could you do me a favor at your convenience to confirm that and inform me about when I could pick up my visa?

Your understanding and cooperation with quick feedback will be highly appreciated.

Alien

太罗嗦, 看俺的:

Name of Principal Applicant:
Date of Birth:
File Nunmber:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I'm writing to inquire when my application case will be finalized.

We have been waiting for the visa for four years and are looking forward to hearing a positive reply.

Thanks and regards,

Alien

oringerainbow

应该拼成positive,不过好象不太合适用这个词,prompt比较好一些.

冬天的大雨

有点中国英语的 味道. 太复杂.

taodw

谢谢！我也就这水平了，没有明显的错误就很满意了。

little fox

象Alien那样就挺好的, 简短，目的明确。

xs-sherry

可以理解！

kitty

按2楼那样写

taodw

收到，谢谢大家

hello

收件人 : beijing-immigration@international.gc.ca
主题 : inquire the process of immigration application




Dear Sir/Madam:

I started my application at the beginning of 2001 and got the file No. on 21. May, 2001.

The detailed information are as follows:

Name: XXXXXX
FN:XXXXXXXXX
Date of Birth: XXXXXXX

Till now my application lasts nearly for 4 years. During this period we lost lots of opportunity, such as promotion, overseas training, even recently I canceled the overseas ‘s traveling in the coming New Year festival.

My family took medical examination on 20.Oct,2004, and submitted all the supplement documents on 01,Nov,2004 to my agent. The status on the web site is still 12 now.

My son will get into his new semester after the winter holiday, and we could not make the final decision whether we shall pay the cost to his current school, as we’d rather to land in Canada and take school there if we get visa before the beginning of his new semester.

So could you please check my case at your early convenience, and give me a reply about when I can get my visa. That will help my family to get fully ready during the holiday and ever I can start to look for my job opportunity in Canada on web site ahead.

I have requested my agent to submit enquire to Beijing embassy one month ago, and have not got any reply yet. So I send this letter by myself this time. I hope can get your feedback before the New Year’s festive.

Your understanding and cooperation with quick feedback will be highly appreciated.

My contact mobile phone: XXXXXXXX

Best wishes
XXXXXXXX

gabroad

写的都不错，表明意思就行。

harvey69

看看俺春节前给他们写的这封，偶认为简洁明了，不知您以为如何？

Dear Sir/madam,
I write to enquiry the progress of my application to immigrate to Canada.
About three months has past since my family completed the medical check. However, we didn’t get any message about the progress of the application. I know, you are very busy, I wouldn’t like to disturb you any more.should you are kindly to tell us the progress, we will be very happy.
The following is my basic information:
SURNAME: XXX,
Given name: XXXXXXX
Date of Birth (dd mm yyyy)
Email address: XXXXXXXXX
File Number: XXXXXXXXXX
Tel number including area code:XXXXXXX,
Mobile: XXXXXXXXXXX
Thank you,
Have a happy Chinese spring festival day.
Yours sincerely,
XXXXXXXXXX
2005,02,08

sibling

呵呵，看来英语越烂，效果越好

lucyflower

Post by taodw
想发邮件催一下，大家帮忙看一下有没有病句，谢谢了先！

I am writing to ask you when my case will be finalized.

I took the Medical Examination on January and I submitted all documents you required On February. I was so excited when I saw my status code changed from 12 to 8 and then 8 to 12 quickly, but it seems have been halting on 12 for a little longer (maybe I am overanxious). So that cause me wonder if those documents especially the landing fee have already been received by your office. Could you do me a favor at your convenience to confirm that and inform me about when I could pick up my visa?

Your understanding and cooperation with quick feedback will be highly appreciated.

I find several grammer mistakes in your letter, for example``on January``should be`` in January`` .....

wec080

It could be a bit simpler and more polite. I wouldn't want to put any complaint and accusation in the letter since they don't care anyway. Here are my 2 cents:

Dear Sir/Madam,

How do you do? My name is XXX, and my File Number is: XXX.

My medical examination was done in January. All the required additional documents were submitted in February. My concern is my application status has been halting at 12 a bit longer than usual. I would really like to know whether you have received everything I have sent especially the landing fee.  Could you please confirm my case status and proximately how much longer it would take to finalize my case.

I'd really appreciate your help and patience.

一尘

英语学习专帖，呵呵。

taodw

太谢谢大家了！给大家都加了声望

Daniel_zhu

我的意见，不应该是完美无缺，他知道我们得英文水平，你想他若看见几份一样得东东是何感觉？自己写，直白表达意见就行。这是我得催促信：

Dear officer:

I am writing to request you dispose ours case as soon as possible , My file number is B××××××. Our information and documents (inclusion Right of Permanent Residence Fee) had submitted already three months, now we are very anxious. Last month, I sent a fax to you, but I do not get any responses.

If you have any question, please do not hesitate to contact me at ****(my office) or ****(my home) or *****(mobile telephone). My Email are: ****


Yours sincerely,