[原创]My first Hallowween

小枫叶

This  Monday  is  Halloween！And  it's  my  first  Halloween.When  I'm  trick  or  treating,  I'm  being  polite, and  I  didn't   forget  my  unicef   box.  I’m  go  trick  or  treating  with  Charles,(our  parents  followed  us) we  were  having  so  such  fun,  some  times  my  bucket   is  full,  I'll  put  some  in  the  plastic  bag  MOM  brought.
There's  two  houses  are  sooooo   spoooooky.The  first  spooky  house:They  closed  all  the  lights,only  the  pumpkins  are  flashing,they  hid  the  radio(but I saw it)  and  turn  it  on_______suddenly   ghost  moaning,screaming,evil  laughing......are  all  goes  into  our  ears,I'm  looking  out  for  tricks,Charles  was  screaming  and  try  to  pull  me  back.Suddenly,the  door  opened"Happy  Halloween！"  they  said,and  we  trick  or  treating  to  the  next  spooky  house(well  I'm  there,Charles's going  home).The  second  spoooooky  house:it  has  a  ghost  floting  up  and  down  at  the  door, when  I  saw  it,I'm felling  uncomfortable, when  I'm  going  to  get  some  candy  from  that  house, someone  turned  _____I'm   facing  a  mouth(on  a  mask)  that's  almost  as  big  as  my  head！"Aughhhhh！"I  shrieked,  but  I  got  some  candy   from  that  house  anyway.When  I  got  home,I  realized:I'll have  enough  candy  for  one  year！I  like  my  witch , costume,I  like  trick  or  treating, but  most  of  all:I  like  Halloween！

北美枫叶

单词以及语法错误请各位看过的长辈给她指出来，谢谢！

Henry

！

兔八哥

八哥阿姨 LIKE XIAOFENGYE!

亦汐

麽麽

哈哈,小枫叶!支持!

北美枫叶

多些大家鼓励她！她的文法没有问题么？请长辈们指点她才好呀，谢谢！

mfcguy

语法没问题才不正常呢，又不是本地出生，已经很不错了，我象她那么大还don't know nothing呢

skyjcz

you have unicef box in Toronto?

兔子

well I'm there,Charles's going home 这个时态是不是不对啊？

还是叫英语强的来改吧，我看着写得挺好的，就是觉得时态有点儿问题，不过不敢随便说啊，偶语法超弱

bluecan

FCH

Post by mfcguy
语法没问题才不正常呢，又不是本地出生，已经很不错了，我象她那么大还don't know nothing呢

同意此人观点。

支持小枫叶！

北美枫叶

Post by skyjcz
you have unicef box in Toronto?

孩子在吃饭，一会还要去同学家做作业（其实就锻炼孩子的team worker的精神）所以，我来替她回答这个问题。
学校在halloween这天早些时候就给每个孩子发了一个unicef box，特别要求孩子们不要只顾了开心、讨糖果，一定不要忘记和送糖果的人家说明捐款给需要帮助的孩子！这个最重要！培养孩子的爱心从小做起。那天出去讨糖果，我看见很多孩子手上都拿着一个unicef box，这个东西发放给孩子以后，要求孩子回家把它做成盒子，做好了就打不开了，如果要打开就一定要破坏这个盒子。所以，每个孩子实际募捐了多少钱自己都不知道，到学校交给老师就完事了。小枫叶那天很勇敢，不放过任何一次机会（她平时很害羞的）要求人家募捐，还一再说明是给非洲的苦孩子用的。回到家里我用手掂了一下，不轻，老公说：怕是有20刀了
只是她觉得很不好意思：她觉得这篇文章写得不好，要不是我一再鼓励，她是绝不肯发出来的。

牛牛猫仔

Well, don't be so shy, it's really an excellent paragraph.
It sounds interesting, I think you enjoyed yourself, didn't you? Well, I decided to go trick-or-treating with my friends that day, but unfortunately, I had GYM class at Period 1, and I fall asleep when I was runing……so I forgot to stop and crashed into the door of the gym and hurt my feet……Oh, god, why I was so unlucky? It's not fair……(God: Hey! You! Who is unfair? lian: Noing^^I'm just joking^^)
And……I think you should check this sentence:"some times my bucket is full, I'll put some in the plastic bag MOM brought."

小枫叶

Post by 牛牛猫仔
Well, don't be so shy, it's really an excellent paragraph.
It sounds interesting, I think you enjoyed yourself, didn't you? Well, I decided to go trick-or-treating with my friends that day, but unfortunately, I had GYM class at Period 1, and I fall asleep when I was runing……so I forgot to stop and crashed into the door of the gym and hurt my feet……Oh, god, why I was so unlucky? It's not fair……(God: Hey! You! Who is unfair? lian: Noing^^I'm just joking^^)
And……I think you should check thi...

I think the problem is: Mom,not MOM.is that right?And, can you draw well?If you do, can you teach me?(I don`t think I`m a good drawer.)

牛牛猫仔

Post by 小枫叶
I think the problem is: Mom,not MOM.is that right?And, can you draw well?If you do, can you teach me?(I don`t think I`m a good drawer.)

I think it may be better if you write like this:"some times when my bucket was full, I put some of the candy in the plastic bag which my mom gave to me." By the way, did you go with your mom or with your friends? If you didn't went with your mom, you may write like that.
Oh, there's another thing I want to tell you: of course, it's important to learn English well, but, don't give up Chinese~It's important, too~

北美枫叶

you didn't answer her question about drawing yet

牛牛猫仔

Post by 我爱枫叶
you didn't answer her question about drawing yet

Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot
What kind of drawing? If it is Chinese style……I don't think I have ability to teach other people

北美枫叶

牛牛猫仔：小枫叶想学西洋画。

牛牛猫仔

西洋画我只学过素描和水粉……还么用过油画色就被迫终止了 因为上了初中么…… 只能从美术和钢琴中选一个……最后选的钢琴……
很希望能跟妹妹探讨一些这方面的事情呐~